Goodbye Chicago

Port Charlotte, FL, 8/13/2009, 11:12pm

“One always begins to forgive a place as soon as it’s left behind.” --Charles Dickens

As soon as I saw this quote, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. I first noticed it one week before leaving Chicago for good, and the truth of this simple statement echoed in me immediately. I had begun to feel the irony of missing a place that had seemed to cause nothing but frustration, and wonder if I was really that fickle of a person or simply being overly sentimental. After all, Chicago certainly does have a lot to forgive: traffic, relentless blizzards, traffic, a staggering homicide rate, and let’s not forget traffic. And that’s not even mentioning two incredibly grueling years working 24/7 while pursuing a graduate degree that has thus far yielded little to no realistic results. However, thoughts of forgiveness were short-lived. I realized that this was just a gut reaction, remembering all the bad things that this place had thrown at me, letting them cloud over all the amazing things that I had experienced. In retrospect, my reaction to leaving Chicago was just the opposite: As soon as I left I could begin to extend my thanks to this complicated, chaotic mass of humanity....

Thank you for making me stronger. Literally in the sense that I have no fear of carrying 50 lbs. of winter weight clothing over a 1 mile hike to public transportation. Figuratively in the sense that failure and success are not extraordinary occurrences anymore, but daily constitutions that I take in with my coffee in the morning and leave when I put away my last glass of wine at night. Thank you for making me realize that I am not safe anywhere, and nor should I be. Personal responsibility and awareness are not luxuries but necessities during every step I take. Thank you for making me realize that culinary exploration can be an art form, but that it’s still okay to gorge oneself on unseemly concoctions of grease. Thank you for teaching me that humanity gathered at a single point and purpose, no matter whether it’s the Gay Pride Parade or a historic inauguration, is a truly beautiful thing. Thank you for the worst traffic in the world because it gave me more time to appreciate a beautiful skyline that otherwise sped by too quickly. Thank you for terrifying me with loneliness so that I could finally overcome a lifelong fear of commitment with the most amazing human being I have ever meet. But most of all, thank you for challenging me at every turn, in every situation, and, eventually, dissolving fear of everything into pure, distilled wonder.

Of course, Chicago has given me some new fears that will persist far too long. I am now terrified of the suburbs. Life without a Whole Foods seems too horrifying to contemplate. I’m convinced that I would actually be stupid enough to trek 500 miles out of my way for a slice of deep dish pizza. And I honestly cannot envision life without at least two local baseball teams. But, I’m sure some other place, some other time will cure me of these fears as well.

So I forgive you Chicago, for everything, but I thank you for more.