Where the Sidewalk Ends

Today is the last day of our trip to Brazil. All the packing is finished (though we still can’t quite figure out why we brought all that stuff) and our apartment has been cleaned. We’re taking the last day for appreciation, maybe some coffee and a walk on the beach, and for reflection.
I recall that I have always wanted to “travel”, as long as I can remember. Thankfully, no one ever really asked me why, because I would only have been able to supply the lame, “Well, new people...new places,” answer. But now, after a very long, and somehow at the same time a very short nine months, I know the answer to that question.

I wanted to travel because I wanted to know myself. And I don’t mean that in a spiritual, esoteric way, and not in a confused, fumbling towards adulthood way. It is only that so many times, who we think we are as people is really a product of our environment, our job, friends, family, even our city. Travel allows you to break free from that, to put yourself in a radically different place. Some aspects of yourself change and some stay the same and what you’re left with, well...I would like to think that it’s one stop closer to your true self. Some things about myself have not changed: I still am a picky eater and I get cranky when awoken from naps. But some things have certainly changed alot...

I’m not nearly as scared about the world as I would like to be. Much of my life has been spent in a haze of paranoia, always imagining where the next kidnapping attempt or natural disaster would come from. I think Brazil just overloaded my system: you cannot possibly be scared of everything there is here to be scared of, so why bother trying? I’m still very safety conscious, and I do still envision kidnapping scenarios in my free time, but most of life just doesn’t terrify me anymore.

I have not an ounce of vanity. I always suspected this was the case, but it turns out to be true. If I’m not going to be inspired to fashion by the stylish Brazilians, then absolutely nothing is going to get me out of my comfy T-shirts. Makeup, hair, plastic surgery, who cares? I think, at heart, I just really don’t care about appearances. Here’s hoping this changes (at least a little bit) back in the States.

I love being American. I’ve never really had a national identity before, but being away from my country has really given me a new perspective on the importance of my own nationality. Despite whether or not my country is currently making me proud or ashamed, I always say I’m American with a smile on my face and simply try to be the best representative of my country that I can be.

I’m a lot friendlier then I suspected. I know, it’s a surprise to me too. I think previous anti-social tendencies of mine really stemmed from a lack of basic ideas about community. But when you are far from home, you’ll grasp at any community that presents itself and I’m so thankful for all the warm-hearted and generous American that I’ve been able to meet while in Rio. Additionally, if one can’t learn to embrace the idea of community from the always-noisy, always-touching, always-present Brazilians, then one is truly hopeless.

I know now that life is unpredictable. This may seem trite, but honestly life has been pretty much predictable up to this point. Now, though, we are unexpectedly coming back to Brazil for another six months, and though I am incredibly excited, I also feel as if I have reached the place where the sidewalk ends and I know not what awaits me on the other side. But, I feel confident that I can face it with the help of friends and family, in a pair of comfy sneakers, and, though with a great deal of nervousness, without any fear.

Thanks again to everyone who has read our blog and provided feedback! We look forward to taking this up again when we return to Brazil in September!